She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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