sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
