i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
