nut hugger
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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