The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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