All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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