I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
