I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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