can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
