You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
How's work?
Spinning.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize