When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
