I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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