I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
