Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
it glows. i had to have it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize