so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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