K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
