Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
