Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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