Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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