i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize