His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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