im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
