I think my fart just growled at me.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
