fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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