By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
