I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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