I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
