One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
