3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We had to coat check the pizza.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
