so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
