Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
cat food counts as protein by the way
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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