Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
