I swear she didn't look like that last week.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
