I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
