i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
