She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Shame - the story of my life.
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