On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
