There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
