Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
