Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
