i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
