That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
im on a boat
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