god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
