Got a toothbrush?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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