I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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