just come out here and I will go home with you...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
