Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
