fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
