Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
