yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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