That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
