she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
