Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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