I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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