If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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