just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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