I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
