Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
