he shaved USA in his pubs
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
where are you?
Hypothermia
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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