if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
