Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
