He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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