I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
