WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize