if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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