I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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