I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
