I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is this like a preordered booty call?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
